You probably have no idea how appealing you are to other people. You probably don’t notice the admiring looks you get because you’re so caught up in self-criticism, the truth doesn’t filter through that thick fog of self-doubt.
If you don’t like some aspect of yourself, like your weight or another physical trait, do something about it. Lord knows I’ve spent years unhappy about the extra 20 pounds I carry around without making the effort to simply walk more. I know that works. Eat less, walk more. It works every time. Yet the only time I followed my own advice was when I had a job that required I walk over the entire facility so much, I naturally looked 20 pounds thinner. Was I happier and did I feel better about myself? Absolutely! Did that motivate me to stay thinner? Apparently not. We sabotage ourselves and our happiness so many ways.
If you’ve never challenged yourself, you’ll never know how much you can transform the aspects of yourself that make you unhappy. Don’t follow trends first of all. Just because it’s the in hair style or fashion doesn’t mean it works for you. Look in the mirror. Assess who you really are and what looks best on you in all arenas, and stick with that. Stop chasing uniformity and trying to fit in. Be your own role model and others will admire you for being unique and true to yourself.
Stop this very minute thinking you are getting old. Your thoughts create your reality. If you get a few twinges in your knees and you start thinking “I’m getting old”, or “That’s grandma Fanny’s arthritis showing up in me”, these things will come true. They don’t have to. You can tell the knee twinges to get lost and if your family has arthritis, just say “Pass!” and stick with that attitude. You don’t have to follow the rest of the pack walking around glorifying Victoria Secret models as the epitome of nubile female perfection.
Everything you say and think is taken literally by your unconscious as fact, even when you’re kidding and even when you’re being sarcastic. Saying “This job is killing me” over and over can result in a gradual downturn of health. Anyone who tells me something is “to die for” makes me want to run in the opposite direction.
They’ve proven this fact of science in studies where they performed an experiment with the a group of observer predisposed to a positive and another group to a negative outcome. The experiment where the observers believed it work, worked. The group observing the very same controlled experiment expecting it to fail, failed. This study has been replicated many times with the same results.
This means you will create whatever you tell yourself is the story of your life. Pay attention to what your head is saying to you as you walk through your day. Lots of those thoughts are self-critical, demeaning of others and fear-based. If your thoughts are the caldron within which you create, wouldn’t it be more fun to have happy, positive, loving thoughts swirling around in there?
So start becoming conscious in ways you never dreamt of before. Understand that words and thoughts are powerful….that they actually create your experience. If everyone understood that, they wouldn’t keep saying they were getting old. They would focus instead on how wonderful the breeze felt as they walked down the familiar streets of their neighborhood. They would concentrate on having positive happy thoughts and experiences instead.
You can stay young and vital if you practice being and having the attitude that you are in control of your life in every moment possible. Yes, I get caught up in drama too. Who doesn’t? But drama doesn’t have to rule your life, make you unhappy and give you an ulcer. Lighten up! Always remember what it’s like to play and have fun. Find reasons to laugh. If you’re a happy person who generously shares their good humor, everyone will want to hang with you.
Stay juicy! That’s what it’s all about. If you have the kind of personality that makes you bitter about life, you will dry up and wither away. I’ve seen the most juicy 80 year olds who were adorable and engaging because they wore big inviting smiles and you wanted to be around them. You don’t lose that with age; you lose it through attitude.
Like Albert Einstein said,”We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” If you haven’t found the right solution to your problems, you have to think a different way.
Most of the time I come across folks who are stuck, I notice that’s largely because they think there’s only on solution. I believe most people are similar. They’re afraid that the worst possible thing will happen so they don’t even consider other possibilities. Then fear and anxiety take a strangle hold of their brain and they can’t get out of its grip.
Good news. We always have more solutions than we know about. If you’re stuck, drop me a post and I’ll help you figure it out.
Stay juicy!
Lorraine E. Castro, LMFT 