LOSE THE LOSERS
Do you hold on to people who aren’t good for you? Are you still jonesing for someone who isn’t on your side and wouldn’t add to your life if they were in it? Many of us do this over and over. It doesn’t matter how rich/hot/desirable/etc. the person seems, if they aren’t on your side, you don’t need them.
It’s hard to let go of someone who isn’t working for you and trust that someone else better, more caring and loving will replace them. We’re insecure, let’s face it. We don’t trust that if we let go of what we have, something or someone better will show up. Who wants to take a chance?
The truth is that when you are in a relationship, good or bad, you send out the energy of NO VACANCY to the world around you. If you’re still pining over a lost love, you better believe that NO VACANCY sign is firmly in place. Potential partners who might be interested in you don’t get a chance because you’re closed for business. Many clients, friends and acquaintances have complained about not being in a great relationship or even in any relationship at all Yet when I look at them, I can see why they don’t manifest a new love interest in their life. There are many reasons this happens. Are any of these true for you?
1. The desired person just isn’t that into you. Get real with yourself. Tell yourself the truth. You’ll be happier. It’s much better to be sought after and desired, then having to run after someone who keeps evading you.
2. You send out the message that all guys are losers or all women will hurt you and desert you. Don’t make the next guy pay for someone else’s past bad behavior. Everyone deserves a real unbiased chance to prove who they are. Open your heart to new possibilities.
3. You know that person really isn’t a good choice for you but your friends think s/he’s hot. Don’t live for anyone else. Make choices because they work for you.
4. You don’t feel you deserve to be treated like a beloved. Just because no one has shown up that appreciates your unique personality doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. If no one has discovered your wonderfulness, believe this will happen and it will.
5. You grab the first person who shows interest in you, afraid no one else will come along. Everyone who shows interest in you isn’t necessarily good for you. Start listening to your gut instead of your head.
6. Your partner has been neglectful, even abusive, but you’re afraid to stick up for yourself. If you aren’t your best friend, no one else will be. Get on your own team. Be your own cheer leader!
7. You project your mommy/daddy issues on the person you’re in a relationship with; a guaranteed kiss of death in any relationship. If you didn’t get your parent’s approval or love, looking for it from someone else isn’t going to help you. Find love for yourself within first; then you will be appealing and loveable to someone else capable of sharing love with you.
8. You only think about what you want and what’s good for you. Relationships are about compromise and sharing. If you always have to have your way and do things the way you like to regardless of the other person’s desire and wishes, good luck. No one is living to grant your every desire and wish. Get real! Learn to be the kind of person you would want in your life. Then someone like that will be able to come into your life and the relationship will be successful.
9. You objectify the love interest. Who wants to be treated like an object? We are multidimensional beings; our looks are only one aspect of who we are. If your love interest has to look a certain way only, you’re ignoring people who could be the ideal love for you. Beauty is internal. If the outside shines brighter than the inside, this isn’t the person for you in the long term.
10. You always find things about the other person you don’t like. If you think you’re going to find someone who does everything the way you want them too, think again. Wouldn’t it be boring to date yourself? You’d always know what to expect. Look in a mirror and ask yourself what you thought about the movie. Fun, huh? No one is going to be exactly the way you want them. Learn to see beyond the obvious and be more accepting and forgiving. You’ll be happier.
And lastly, Stay Juicy! Don’t know how? Stick around and learn. It’s about being all you can be, staying vital and alive. Who doesn’t want that!
Lorraine E. Castro, LMFT 
This is such great advice and insight.
It also helps if you love yourself first…in a good, healthy way…before you go looking for someone to love and by whom to be loved. Open up your heart to love yourself first then it will be so much more open for others.
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