WHY YOU CAN’T FIND LOVE ~ STAY JUICY!
Remember the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You”? There were lots of clues about finding a love relationship in that movie. Let’s look at a few of them.
How much do you really want a relationship? Are you sitting at home waiting for the perfect person to knock on your door like the Prince did for Cinderella? That’s a faerie tale. That won’t work. How can a partner find you if you’re hiding out?
Maybe the relationship you’re in right now is exactly what you want and need. Not sure? You’ll have to do some work to find out. What part do you play in the drama? If you change, everything about the relationship changes.
Have you given serious thought to what’s important to you? Do you know what traits are absolute deal breakers for you? What do you appreciate in a partner? Sit down and make a list that answers these questions and any others you come up with and you’ll have the first step of a plan.
You need to focus in on the kind of person you want or you just get whatever.
Check your completed list and honestly answer this question:
Are you willing to be all the things you’re asking for in another person? A wish list only works when you’re willing to give back everything you want from them. Do you want a partner who’s loving, passionate, thoughtful? You’ve got to be all that and more yourself. Someone that juicy is looking for a person who matches them. When you’re juicy, you get juicy back. So think about this…. Would you happily choose yourself?
As Ben Affleck said to Jennifer Aniston when he finally came to his senses and realized how to make a relationship work:
“I HAVE TO MAKE YOU HAPPY IF I HAVE ANY HOPE OF BEING HAPPY MYSELF.”
That’s it in a nutshell, clam shell and every other kind of shell. You must be as wonderful to the person you care about, as you want them to be towards you. Only if both of you are happy, can you be happy.
If you want loving and considerate that’s what you have to be. If you want a peaceful home life, ask yourself if you’re willing to carry your share of making this happen?
If you want something , you have to work for it.
You’re in the safe zone but you aren’t having fun yet.
Wishing and hoping keep you right exactly where you are now. You want your life to get better. It starts with work on you. You have to put the effort into examining yourself and watching your patterns of behavior . You’d be surprised how many times you sabotage getting what you want. Here are some ways to start making better choices:
1. In every moment, you always have a choice between having a problem or being okay.
Happiness is a choice you make in each moment. You can be pissed that someone was rude to you or you can remember not to let anything trivial upset your state of mind. You can’t be happy when you’re angry and upset. The emotions of happiness and anger can’t coexist in the same space. You get to choose between staying upset and ruining your own day, or letting it go. Make the best of every situation. Some of them are painful, embarrassing even costly. If you learn the lesson in these situations that happen, you don’t have to repeat them. Learn your lesson the first time and have fun instead of suffering.
2. The more grateful you are for everything you have, the more you get.
Have mad gratitude for everything. That’s pretty much the secret to everything. Wake up grateful to have another day to play in. You can fall asleep tonight smarter than you were yesterday just because you got to learn the lessons of another day. All you have to do is examine everything that happens in your day. I don’t mean the Story. I’m talking about what really happened and what it meant. Like the in the entertainment industry, the ones it takes to make the movie, the Below the Line. What happened, why, and what were the consequences to each person involved?
Figure out what part each person has in adding or subtracting from your happiness.
BE GRATEFUL, HAVE I SAID THIS ENOUGH TIMES YET?
If you have a job, walk in the door grateful to have a place to help pay for your life. It’s not your ideal job but you’re there so make the best of it. You can learn from everything. What lessons do you need to learn at this job so you can move on to the next one?
No matter what you have, if you aren’t grateful, you’re the one who keeps the universe from giving you more. You get more only when you believe you will and you believe you are worthy. And when you’re happy with what you already have.
Being happily in love requires compromise that comes from a genuine desire to have peace rather than power. Is it more important to be right or happy? That’s a choice that comes up all the time. Right can be very cold and lonely. Have you shown others in your life your gratitude for them?
3. This is the time to change. There will never be a better time than right now.
If you want happiness and love, start working on yourself. You can turn your life around. You just have to put the work in every day. One day at a time.
Get outside of your dramas and see your part in creating them. Start doing esteemable things like helping others, smiling more often, anything that makes you feel good about yourself. Every single time you feel gratitude, you are attracting more for you to be gratitude for in your own life. The more you give of yourself to others through a smile or kind word, the more good stuff that comes your way.
4. And don’t forget the most important part:
Ginnifer Goodwin ends up getting exactly what she’s always wanted, a loving, meaningful relationship. She never gave up. Her character says something like this at the end of He’s Just Not That Into You as she’s seeing life get juicy for her:
THROUGH ALL THE PAIN OF TRYING, AND HOPING AND GETTING IT WRONG, I DIDN’T GIVE UP.
And that’s it. Never give up. You don’t know what adventures life has in store for you. Keep showing up, do the best you can and come from your heart. Your life will begin to change in ways you never expected. Guaranteed!!!
You will find the love you desire. Find it first within yourself.
You can receive love when you already have love for yourself within you. No one can fill you with their love and make you feel whole. Only you can do that for yourself.
Start showing up for yourself. Make the choices that add value to your life. Volunteer somewhere. Nothing makes you feel more grateful than helping someone else who’s less fortunate. There but for the Grace… Working with the homeless will give you a big reality check reframe about how much you have to be grateful about.
Lorraine E. Castro, LMFT 